What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 01:04
But it wasn’t much.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One cannot live in the past .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why do men like to have sex with a woman's ass?
I have no regrets .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Who is the most dangerous or evilest person of all time?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
How are you spending your best time?
Comes on , in middle age.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I write beautiful poetry .
How can we understand the mind of a Trump supporter?
My life is so biszare .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
New model helps to figure out which distant planets may host life - Space
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We all went to grammer schools
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Anthony says 1st HR made better by Red Sox win - ESPN
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As i do to all so called friends.?
What is the best sex you have ever had (in detail)?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
What is truer than that which is true?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What is the difference between the Bible and the Qur'an?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I waited trembling.
So whats the point in blame.
Why are perceived or real slights interpreted as rejections and reality by pwBPD?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
What one thing makes someone a very mature person?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
All the time i was locked up.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I think the readers, may guess!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Where can I get sure fixed matches on Instagram?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was scared of men, in general
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My family never makes their pension either.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is soul school!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Ive learnt so much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
It was going to be , some day.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
What did i know ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Would this be the day?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im still living with it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I never cut or harmed myself..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was in good health!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I said to her
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why did i forgive my father ?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So, i spoilt her more .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She married twice! .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We were not on the streets..
I was very sick at this time too.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was 9 years of age.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She found it foreign!.
And i lived it daily.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Put me off passion for life!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
When she asked me how she looked .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She wouldn,t have been !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Who then, do I blame.?
I will be 64.
I don,t even have a pension.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Especially a lifetime of it.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She loved him until the end.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He knew the spot.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But, we were locked up after school.